Connecting with people is not
my strong suit. Actually I struggle with it. I don’t really have a reason for
it. I don’t have a tragedy to tell you that gives me a reason to be so cold. I
just am. If I took a guess I would have to say it’s from years of taking ADHD
medicine it kind of just eats away at your personality until your left with
none. By the time you realize this is happening, though, it’s too late and you’re
already dependent on the medicine. Maybe this is true, maybe I made up to
justify my coldness. I’m not sure what’s true was I born like this, or is this
the result of medicine? I don’t think I will ever have an answer to that.
This morning was bad. I just stood there and watched as
she turned into a beast. I couldn't help but stare. We all have had impulses to
do what she did, she just actually did it. It was a reaction years in the
making. A reaction to me, and I just watched. I didn't feel scared, pleased,
angry, threatened… I didn't feel anything. Why didn't I feel anything? I should
have felt something!
This morning after breakfast, in her thick Mexican accent
she told me to “Go clean the vacuum.” This being a task new to me I asked for
help. I wasn't sure what she meant. Did she want me to clean the bottom of it? Did she want me to dust it? She responded to
my question by telling me that there was a clear section of the vacuum that can
be taken out and I needed to empty it. She also mentioned that there were
instructions written on the vacuum. I went into the closet I looked at the
vacuum and noticed that there was a button that when you push it a part of the
vacuum popped out. It was the clear part of the vacuum. I look on it for
instructions and all I see is ßLOCK-OPENà So I try to twist it and nothing is happening so I walk
towards her and ask for help.
“No, figure it out” she responds the first time. I
ask again “I figured it out in like 6 seconds” she responds the second time,
and the third. I try it again. Nothing. I decide if she’s not going to help me I’ll
give up so I attempt to put the vacuum back together.
“NO” she shouts.
I responded with “I can’t
figure it out and if you’re not going to help me…”
She still didn't want to help
me but she still wanted me to do it. Because yeah that makes sense -________-
Finally after I start yelling
saying “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS” and aggressively trying to twist the top
off she grabs it from my hands and twists it off. She gives me a smirk and
hands it back to me. I walk it over to the garbage can and begin cleaning the
filter. She then starts another fight.
Are you rolling your eyes? Because I am…
She then calls to me from
down the hall “ I need you to clean the bathroom.”
“OK.” I responded while
cleaning the vacuum.
“Now! Not 30 minutes from now
not an hour from now not a week from now. NOW” she added.
Did you not hear me? I just said ok. You do know that
means ‘I will’ right? “OK” I said my
voice gained a little aggression.
“I asked you to do it a week
ago.”
“I was sick” I responded
“not when I asked you to
clean it” she said.
“Yes I was I have been since last weekend” I should have said. Instead I yelled “I’M SORRY IF ME
BEING SICK WASN'T CONVENIENT FOR YOU!”
That was it. That was the
conversation that sent her over the edge. The next thing I know was that she
threw the broom in my direction. I think it broke which was her last straw,
because she threw the bristle part first and then the handle. I just stood at
the garbage can cleaning the filter watching this all happen. She then ran at a
plant and started ripping leaves off and tearing the plant apart. She then
looked at me and said “I'm leaving!”
The end…
Just kidding there's more,
shes a drama queen of course there is more.
She was back within 10
minutes at which point I was now working on cleaning the bathroom. I was listening to music when my dad came in
the bathroom and took my phone away and started yelling at me. He asked me what
happened and I told him. He was pissed. I didn't get it she went crazy how is
that my fault? I continue to clean the bathroom and my step mom packed a bag. She
told me she would come back when I left for college.
“Then I will leave! Clearly I’m
not wanted.” I Replied. My dad stood there not a single word left his mouth. At
least she said no.
She left once she cleaned the
mess she created. My dad yelled at me for a little bit, and then gave me the
silent treatment. He blamed me, I could tell. So finally I spoke up.
“You might yell at me for
saying this, or say it’s not true but it is and you need to hear it” after a
short pause “but, you like her more than you like me”
“That’s not true,” he began.
“Yeah it is!” I said and turned
the corner into a space where I could still hear him and he knew that but he
said nothing.
About 20 minutes he came up to me again. “I love you both its
just different.” I looked at him. “I don’t connect with you, you don’t show me
any emotion, and you are hard to love.”
“So I am a robot” I walked
away tears falling down my face I dropped my body onto my bed and cried into my
pillow. Very robot of me.
He followed
me in and he criticized me. He didn't walk over to me and give me a hug, or say I’m sorry, he just criticized me. He tried to justify his comment. The words he
let out at this point weren't for me. He was trying to make himself feel
better. He just told his only daughter that he liked his second wife better than
his blood.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO ACT?
PLEASE TELL ME AN APPROPRIATE REACTION!
Flash forward to 7 pm she’s
back. Like I said she’s a fucking drama queen life was probably just getting a
little boring and she needed a little more attention.
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sorry about the long post today i just had a lot to get out. I was pretty heated while writing most of this so sorry if the writing isn't that great. any way i would love to know your opinion on the situation.
XOXOX
PRETTY DAISY GIRL